the flaming sword of the BITTER

Ignorance

ignorance is the night of the mind, but a night without moon and star; in that black the BITTER waits with teeth like the cheshire cat.

Unrequited

Damion Rice- Accidental Babies.

Well I held you like a lover
Happy hands and your elbow in the appropriate place

And we ignored our others, happy plans
For that delicate look upon your face

Our bodies moved and hardened
Hurting parts of your garden
With no room for a pardon
In a place where no one knows what we have done

Do you come
Together ever with him?
And is he dark enough?
Enough to see your light?
And do you brush your teeth before you kiss?
Do you miss my smell?
And is he bold enough to take you on?
Do you feel like you belong?
And does he drive you wild?
Or just mildly free?
What about me?

Well you held me like a lover
Sweaty hands
And my foot in the appropriate place

And we use cushions to cover
Happy glands
In the mild issue of our disgrace

Our minds pressed and guarded
While our flesh disregarded
The lack of space for the light-hearted
In the boom that beats our drum

Well I know I make you cry
And I know sometimes you wanna die
But do you really feel alive without me?
If so, be free
If not, leave him for me
Before one of us has accidental babies
For we are in love

Do you come
Together ever with him?
Is he dark enough?
Enough to see your light?
Do you brush your teeth before you kiss?
Do you miss my smell?
And is he bold enough to take you on?
Do you feel like you belong?
And does he drive you wild?
Or just mildly free?

What about me?
What about me?

___________________

Who said the BITTER doesn't enjoy a good love song?

the meaning of re-life

"Fine! Go on in there and tell her that every day is a blessing. So you killed your baby. Shake it off. Think positive. At least you're alive. ... Hmmm. Kind of hard to sell when you don't believe it, huh? And you never believed it. You just wanted all that crap you went through to mean something. Well, it didn't mean anything. It never does. Welcome back."

— Hugh Laurie, "House, M.D."

shaken not stirred

OB Dept. Anonymous hospital Hold message:

"...can reduce the risk of S.I.D.S.. If you feel yourself losing control put the baby in its crib and walk away; never, never, never shake the baby, shaking the baby can cause severe brain damage or even death. If you have a mildly sick child and can't stay home from work we offer..."
------------------

I weep for the future.

the massacre of libra

When you place blood on one pan and bile on the other, how do the scales tip?

October is feral, and in it, I wade in blood and thousands of razor-sharp memories and futures…

past, present, and future, the blood mixes; mine, hers, theirs, all of ours

and the BITTER simply stands back with that cheshire, mysterious grin and waits….

3 / 6 / 9 years gone

TOUCH ME
HATE ME
GIVE YOURSELF TO ME
AND BREAK ME

CUT THESE EYES AND I WILL SEE
KISS THESE LYING LIPS FOR ME
STROKE THIS SKIN AND I WILL KNEEL
BRUTALIZE ME; I WILL HEAL!

— kmfdm, "brute"

PAIN

Suddenly I'm 10 years old, I've done nothing wrong but still I have a grievous punishment ahead of me. Growing up in a good clean christian household spankings were frequent and once my dad was angry, unrelenting. Now I'm back there again, the blows keep falling, the pain keeps pouring on and no matter what I do to try and stop it, no matter how I plead or cry, she just keeps slashing away. Even now I scream at the top of my lungs, frantic to stop the pain, wishing with everything I am just to make it go away, to disappear, and myself with it. Stop... please, just stop... I can't take this anymore... stop it.

stop it
STOP IT!

Old faithful

There are days I am alikened to a faithful dog. Kick me and I'll come back for more. Forget to feed me, I'll just wait, silently, patiently, until it suits you. No matter how horrid your treatment, I still defend you, I still look up to you with those stupid little dependant eyes eager for approval and affection. I would walk over a thousand miles, through burning deserts, fire, ice, hail, rain, snow, all just to get to you and for what? a pat on the head, an 'at-a-boy?

Yes.

For me, its enough, I'll continue to be battered, beaten, worn thin, replaced, and forgotten just so long as there is even the slightest glimmer of hope that you'll look into my eyes and say, "how could I not love such a stupid mutt like you?"

There are days when I am alikened to a dog.

roodyrevekcolnuotyekeht

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Its not you, Its me.

This is so stupid, look at this chance
I thought that men were the ones who needed to sow their wild oats yet here you are, "I need a break," "I need some time," "I need someone new."

I don't care about the right time, all I care about is the right One.
What was this to you? anything better than a pretty rock, a bauble to play with until you got bored, then tossed it aside to find another one to pull with your strings.

That's not a fucking toy you're playing with, its not some pretty gem to adorn your mantle, thats my fucking heart you stupid woman. That's a fucking life worth fighting for.

Things get tough, you get scared, what is this cut and run? Whatever happened to, I know it'll be hard but I'm willing to work through it. Was that all a lie, did you just tell me what you wanted me to hear? what you wanted to hear?

What are you running from? Who are you running to? the arms of another man won't solve this! How? Is this a trap?

I'm so tired of exuses, I'm so tired of trying to fill this gap.

----------
But I'm just the right guy at the wrong time

Menace

Gods damn it!

I fucking hate when I get like this. So much anger so much contempt for every little thing.
I don't care if you're human, animal, living or non-living, I just want you to hurt and by my hand.
It seems like that's all that will make this feeling stop when it comes, and I know that it will only subside until I stop hurting you.
Fuck you! I don't care who the FUCK you are I just want you to feel pain, I want to scream at the top of my lungs and let my furry out on you until I have nothing more left in me, until I sweat blood.
I can't stand this primal rage, I hate this Testosterone that courses through my veins, this hormone that makes me so violent, so selfish.

I am cruel, I am vicious, I am a menace, I am a Man. All I can do is give in to the rage and hope it runs its course more quickly. Hell have no mercy on the souls of men, for we are the least deserving of it.

Fill the shot, Empty the clip

A young, successful Newyorker comes down to Atlanta, Georgia to visit family, while in town he decides to get in touch with an ex-girlfriend. Evidently the idea did not go as well as his 26 year old brain had calculated because later that wednesday night she ends up in a bar drowning her sorrows. Around 3 AM she is kicked out of the bar because she is so belligerently drunk, there after our young Newyorker and his ex-girlfriend end up in a heated argument at the corner of Piedmont and Peachtree in a strip mall at the heart of the upscale 1M-gets-you-in-the-door-for a-house neighborhood. The arguement is ended by seven shots punctuating the night fired centermass at close range into our dead ex-Newyorker.

The morning sun melts through the grey clouds above, spilling over the blood stained ground. The chalk lines are gone, the shell markers are gone, the blood remains, and in the distance, underneath the pulse of the city, the BITTER chuckles.

Nuclear Sunrise

On that day, dawn will come
In a flash of pain and sound
No time for weeping
Or gnashing of teeth
As you incinerate

Our children dance
To the pied piper�s tune
As he leads them down
To their doom

And we idly watch
As they go by
Lost in our own affairs
No time to waste
We are too busy
Too important

And one day you awake
And find yourself chained
And you hear the screams
And the approaching footsteps
And it is too late

All will perish
Most like lemmings into the sea
Or cows to the slaughter
Stand idly, dumbly
As your throat is slit
And your blood washes down the drain

Rome burned
A victim of its own excess
�It�ll never happen here�
As we go back to business
With hardly a moments pause

I laugh
It already has, it already is
The children starve
The old beg for touch

Your blood flows down the drain
To stupid to realize
You wonder what it is
And why you feel so weak

Crumbling, burning, flaming
The cities they fall
Monuments to excess
Empty temples to greed
Our own children the sacrifice
We were willing to make
_________________
-Initiate Terjat'sa

Lost

And thus a new Initiate rises to the surface of a BITTER sea.
__________________________
The waves they crash
Deep oceans of time
Breaking down the shores of man
Your little island you call your life

What will save you from the tidal flow
The bubling froth that sucks you down
Crushing you against the coral
Grinding you to the dust

Swim! Flail! Choke!
It is all for naught
Time takes what is hers
And what man can stem the tide

Try, try to stand against the waves
Your frail body will crack

(FUCK!)
___________________________

-Initiate Terjat'sa

Twinkle Twinkle

These diamonds they beg for release
A burning sea of them torrid and weltering
I hear their plea in the crashing against my insides
I see it written in crystalline froth

This would all be so much easier if I could let them out
For years they have been turned and the dam swollen with their BITTER seed

Searing light tears and shreds me inside shimmering off their darkest sparkle.
An ocean of glistening ribbons slick with BITTER diamonds
The pain sometimes is so great, pressure so strong, against the dam
My body aches, inside out, going through the motions but the cheeks remain dry

I am a pauper in the way that a heartbroken pubescent girl is an aristocrat
I need so badly to feel the release of a decade or more.

How can I hold this for much longer, there diamonds are killing me
The tide grows with the distance. Stronger. Harder
My soul, my heart it aches, bursting like a fountain head.
Shine down, scissor down, burn down, fall down�. down�.

Or not.