April 28, 2008
Unrequited
Damion Rice- Accidental Babies.
Well I held you like a lover
Happy hands and your elbow in the appropriate place
And we ignored our others, happy plans
For that delicate look upon your face
Our bodies moved and hardened
Hurting parts of your garden
With no room for a pardon
In a place where no one knows what we have done
Do you come
Together ever with him?
And is he dark enough?
Enough to see your light?
And do you brush your teeth before you kiss?
Do you miss my smell?
And is he bold enough to take you on?
Do you feel like you belong?
And does he drive you wild?
Or just mildly free?
What about me?
Well you held me like a lover
Sweaty hands
And my foot in the appropriate place
And we use cushions to cover
Happy glands
In the mild issue of our disgrace
Our minds pressed and guarded
While our flesh disregarded
The lack of space for the light-hearted
In the boom that beats our drum
Well I know I make you cry
And I know sometimes you wanna die
But do you really feel alive without me?
If so, be free
If not, leave him for me
Before one of us has accidental babies
For we are in love
Do you come
Together ever with him?
Is he dark enough?
Enough to see your light?
Do you brush your teeth before you kiss?
Do you miss my smell?
And is he bold enough to take you on?
Do you feel like you belong?
And does he drive you wild?
Or just mildly free?
What about me?
What about me?
___________________
Who said the BITTER doesn't enjoy a good love song?
So quoth Strange at 20:20 UTC | 0 BITTER pills | TrackBack
February 27, 2008
the meaning of re-life
"Fine! Go on in there and tell her that every day is a blessing. So you killed your baby. Shake it off. Think positive. At least you're alive. ... Hmmm. Kind of hard to sell when you don't believe it, huh? And you never believed it. You just wanted all that crap you went through to mean something. Well, it didn't mean anything. It never does. Welcome back."
— Hugh Laurie, "House, M.D."
So quoth scott at 03:04 UTC | 0 BITTER pills | TrackBack
November 12, 2007
shaken not stirred
OB Dept. Anonymous hospital Hold message:
"...can reduce the risk of S.I.D.S.. If you feel yourself losing control put the baby in its crib and walk away; never, never, never shake the baby, shaking the baby can cause severe brain damage or even death. If you have a mildly sick child and can't stay home from work we offer..."
------------------
I weep for the future.
So quoth Strange at 16:54 UTC | 0 BITTER pills | TrackBack
October 18, 2007
the massacre of libra
When you place blood on one pan and bile on the other, how do the scales tip?
October is feral, and in it, I wade in blood and thousands of razor-sharp memories and futures…
past, present, and future, the blood mixes; mine, hers, theirs, all of ours
and the BITTER simply stands back with that cheshire, mysterious grin and waits….
So quoth scott at 03:31 UTC | 0 BITTER pills | TrackBack
September 11, 2007
3 / 6 / 9 years gone
TOUCH ME
HATE ME
GIVE YOURSELF TO ME
AND BREAK ME
CUT THESE EYES AND I WILL SEE
KISS THESE LYING LIPS FOR ME
STROKE THIS SKIN AND I WILL KNEEL
BRUTALIZE ME; I WILL HEAL!
— kmfdm, "brute"
So quoth scott at 08:02 UTC | 0 BITTER pills | TrackBack
May 10, 2006
PAIN
Suddenly I'm 10 years old, I've done nothing wrong but still I have a grievous punishment ahead of me. Growing up in a good clean christian household spankings were frequent and once my dad was angry, unrelenting. Now I'm back there again, the blows keep falling, the pain keeps pouring on and no matter what I do to try and stop it, no matter how I plead or cry, she just keeps slashing away. Even now I scream at the top of my lungs, frantic to stop the pain, wishing with everything I am just to make it go away, to disappear, and myself with it. Stop... please, just stop... I can't take this anymore... stop it.
stop it
STOP IT!
So quoth Strange at 03:06 UTC | 0 BITTER pills | TrackBack
May 9, 2006
Old faithful
There are days I am alikened to a faithful dog. Kick me and I'll come back for more. Forget to feed me, I'll just wait, silently, patiently, until it suits you. No matter how horrid your treatment, I still defend you, I still look up to you with those stupid little dependant eyes eager for approval and affection. I would walk over a thousand miles, through burning deserts, fire, ice, hail, rain, snow, all just to get to you and for what? a pat on the head, an 'at-a-boy?
Yes.
For me, its enough, I'll continue to be battered, beaten, worn thin, replaced, and forgotten just so long as there is even the slightest glimmer of hope that you'll look into my eyes and say, "how could I not love such a stupid mutt like you?"
There are days when I am alikened to a dog.
So quoth Strange at 11:49 UTC | 1 BITTER pill | TrackBack
roodyrevekcolnuotyekeht
|1|+|ytinifni|ot|niytinifni|drawer|etamitlu|ro|ecirp|etamitlu|eht|rof|lla|ti|ksir|uoy|llik|thgim|tbuod|yna|ecirp|eht|
|yap|ksir|eht|ekat|ot|hguone|evarb|si|ohw|yas|ot|si|ohw|uoy|ot|nialp|gnimoceb|dlrow|eht|fo|hturt|eht|dnecsa|uoy|
|dluow|flesti|gniyrf|niarb|ruoy|eid|ylpmis|uoy|dluow|sdrawer|eht|secneuqesnoc|eht|snoissucreper|eht|eb|dluow|
|tahw|tiucric|eht|gnitelpmoc|ni|ytinifni|otni|gnikool|ekil|eb|ti|dluow|ssyba|eht|otni|erats|uoy|dluow|ti|htiw|rehto|eht|otni|
|kool|dna|eye|nwo|ruoy|tuo|kculp|ot|erew|uoy|fi|neppah|dluow|tahw|
So quoth Strange at 01:44 UTC | 0 BITTER pills | TrackBack
April 30, 2006
Its not you, Its me.
This is so stupid, look at this chance
I thought that men were the ones who needed to sow their wild oats yet here you are, "I need a break," "I need some time," "I need someone new."
I don't care about the right time, all I care about is the right One.
What was this to you? anything better than a pretty rock, a bauble to play with until you got bored, then tossed it aside to find another one to pull with your strings.
That's not a fucking toy you're playing with, its not some pretty gem to adorn your mantle, thats my fucking heart you stupid woman. That's a fucking life worth fighting for.
Things get tough, you get scared, what is this cut and run? Whatever happened to, I know it'll be hard but I'm willing to work through it. Was that all a lie, did you just tell me what you wanted me to hear? what you wanted to hear?
What are you running from? Who are you running to? the arms of another man won't solve this! How? Is this a trap?
I'm so tired of exuses, I'm so tired of trying to fill this gap.
----------
But I'm just the right guy at the wrong time
So quoth Strange at 21:36 UTC | 0 BITTER pills | TrackBack
March 16, 2006
Menace
Gods damn it!
I fucking hate when I get like this. So much anger so much contempt for every little thing.
I don't care if you're human, animal, living or non-living, I just want you to hurt and by my hand.
It seems like that's all that will make this feeling stop when it comes, and I know that it will only subside until I stop hurting you.
Fuck you! I don't care who the FUCK you are I just want you to feel pain, I want to scream at the top of my lungs and let my furry out on you until I have nothing more left in me, until I sweat blood.
I can't stand this primal rage, I hate this Testosterone that courses through my veins, this hormone that makes me so violent, so selfish.
I am cruel, I am vicious, I am a menace, I am a Man. All I can do is give in to the rage and hope it runs its course more quickly. Hell have no mercy on the souls of men, for we are the least deserving of it.
So quoth Strange at 01:57 UTC | 1 BITTER pill | TrackBack
March 9, 2006
Fill the shot, Empty the clip
A young, successful Newyorker comes down to Atlanta, Georgia to visit family, while in town he decides to get in touch with an ex-girlfriend. Evidently the idea did not go as well as his 26 year old brain had calculated because later that wednesday night she ends up in a bar drowning her sorrows. Around 3 AM she is kicked out of the bar because she is so belligerently drunk, there after our young Newyorker and his ex-girlfriend end up in a heated argument at the corner of Piedmont and Peachtree in a strip mall at the heart of the upscale 1M-gets-you-in-the-door-for a-house neighborhood. The arguement is ended by seven shots punctuating the night fired centermass at close range into our dead ex-Newyorker.
The morning sun melts through the grey clouds above, spilling over the blood stained ground. The chalk lines are gone, the shell markers are gone, the blood remains, and in the distance, underneath the pulse of the city, the BITTER chuckles.
So quoth Strange at 22:56 UTC | 0 BITTER pills | TrackBack
January 25, 2006
Nuclear Sunrise
On that day, dawn will come
In a flash of pain and sound
No time for weeping
Or gnashing of teeth
As you incinerate
Our children dance
To the pied piper’s tune
As he leads them down
To their doom
And we idly watch
As they go by
Lost in our own affairs
No time to waste
We are too busy
Too important
And one day you awake
And find yourself chained
And you hear the screams
And the approaching footsteps
And it is too late
All will perish
Most like lemmings into the sea
Or cows to the slaughter
Stand idly, dumbly
As your throat is slit
And your blood washes down the drain
Rome burned
A victim of its own excess
“It’ll never happen here”
As we go back to business
With hardly a moments pause
I laugh
It already has, it already is
The children starve
The old beg for touch
Your blood flows down the drain
To stupid to realize
You wonder what it is
And why you feel so weak
Crumbling, burning, flaming
The cities they fall
Monuments to excess
Empty temples to greed
Our own children the sacrifice
We were willing to make
_________________
-Initiate Terjat'sa
So quoth Strange at 17:33 UTC | 0 BITTER pills | TrackBack
January 17, 2006
Lost
And thus a new Initiate rises to the surface of a BITTER sea.
__________________________
The waves they crash
Deep oceans of time
Breaking down the shores of man
Your little island you call your life
What will save you from the tidal flow
The bubling froth that sucks you down
Crushing you against the coral
Grinding you to the dust
Swim! Flail! Choke!
It is all for naught
Time takes what is hers
And what man can stem the tide
Try, try to stand against the waves
Your frail body will crack
(FUCK!)
___________________________
-Initiate Terjat'sa
So quoth Strange at 21:50 UTC | 0 BITTER pills | TrackBack
April 28, 2005
Twinkle Twinkle
These diamonds they beg for release
A burning sea of them torrid and weltering
I hear their plea in the crashing against my insides
I see it written in crystalline froth
This would all be so much easier if I could let them out
For years they have been turned and the dam swollen with their BITTER seed
Searing light tears and shreds me inside shimmering off their darkest sparkle.
An ocean of glistening ribbons slick with BITTER diamonds
The pain sometimes is so great, pressure so strong, against the dam
My body aches, inside out, going through the motions but the cheeks remain dry
I am a pauper in the way that a heartbroken pubescent girl is an aristocrat
I need so badly to feel the release of a decade or more.
How can I hold this for much longer, there diamonds are killing me
The tide grows with the distance. Stronger. Harder
My soul, my heart it aches, bursting like a fountain head.
Shine down, scissor down, burn down, fall down…. down….
Or not.
So quoth Strange at 06:55 UTC | 3 BITTER pills | TrackBack
April 21, 2005
...
Sometimes the BITTER can only be described by a deep, beastial, gutteral cry from which your throat would rupture and spill flecks of blood upon your lips.
Who do you think you are to turn these people against me
You fucking puppet, turned yourself by mainstream, by what you have been told is best
Who do you think you are that you would tell me, me of all people that you are something you're not.
Fuck you and your immature flakey bullshit!
Who do you think you are that the world revolves around your petty needs, better car, better woman, better job, better friends
Fucking drama queen, nothing better than that.
Who do you think you are to take what I have given to you and never give another thing back unless it suits you.
Dishonorable thief, wanton fucking idiot, is there a brain in that skull, a heart in that chest?
Who do you think you are...
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
So quoth Strange at 07:37 UTC | 0 BITTER pills | TrackBack
February 5, 2005
Ember
What is this feeling you make me feel
What is this amber glow beneath it all
What is this consuming burning rage
Keep it up, you'll soon find out
Keep it up it's consume you too
What is this taking by the inches
What is this killing it all away
What is this raging, pulling
Frustration builds inside
Frustration boils the blood
What is their fucking problem
What is their fucking right
What is their fucking damage
Embers sear the soul
Embers sear the flesh
Embers will comsume them all
Embers, they're the starters!
inefficient, incompetent, unacceptable
So quoth Strange at 06:51 UTC | 0 BITTER pills | TrackBack
January 27, 2005
Arise my son, this place is not for you any longer
In this place, we stand gods, dealing judgment upon those who remain blind out of self-preservation
In this place, we stand aloft, overseeing the little pests scury about like cockaroaches in the light
In this place, we stand righteous, shuning what does not stand up to the weight of the BIITER, of our pain
In this place, we stand together alone, knowing when we leave this place the BITTER will always be waiting
In this place, we stand petrified, feeling so afraid of the BITTER's wrath breaking upon us
In this place, we stand honor-bound, stealing our tarnished broken pride to feel one moment of happiness and longing as one amongst our rank discards his robes and steps out from under the darkness to take his place elsewhere, to make room for the future, to leave the past where it's baried, to get on with it all....
To the only man I can justly call Father, Good Luck, and may the Gods be with you, for you will need more than one to keep from the BITTER's grasp.
So quoth Strange at 20:39 UTC | 0 BITTER pills | TrackBack
January 19, 2005
The verve of the nerve
Wasting my energy on any of you? All of you?
Fuck you!
Time to take a step off the edge and find a new definition. One that leaves you all behind.
Because you do nothing but drag me down to my eventual doom.
And if I wanted that, I should have just pink misted myself when I had the chance.
To hell with you. All of you.
So quoth scott at 04:38 UTC | 0 BITTER pills | TrackBack
January 4, 2005
My Angel
I looked for my angel again today
She shines like a beacon far off in the sea
She shines from behind the mountains sharp
It seems the intwined paths of mountain and mist
They keep me from my saving grace
They keep me lost and cold
There she is, sitting so comfortably
Her eyes becon me as the warm sheets wrapped the past
Her eyes cut like warm razors
There she is again gentle smile curling her lips
I'm bleeding here and she's smiling there
I'm dying here and she's staying there
In the end it was all my fault
In the end, I let her go
In the end nothing will change
In the end our happy time won't matter
In the end.
In the end...
I stumble
I freeze
I bleed
So quoth Strange at 20:58 UTC | 0 BITTER pills | TrackBack
Fuck THIS!
Why the fuck is my entire life the scrambled repetition of a single action.
Why is it that I have a supreme ability to fuck up anything that is even vaguely unclear.
Why is it that people always read what they want to read.
FUCK this, I am done, done telling people pretty things because I feel that I might have a snowballs chance in hell at warming this cold stone that is my heart.
Why is it that I am forever coming back to this cold lonely road
upon which I meet so many little specters and nymphs who want to seduce me just far enough
to eat the heart from my chest as a lie prone on the floor helpless as their bloody teeth grin at me.
FUCK this! FUCK THIS.
I am tired of trusting.
I am tired of saying to my self, "what are the odds this is going to happen to me again."
It has to be like getting struck by lighting in some regard. Much to my dismay I am only fooling myself, again and again I watch some hollow eyed ghoul tear apart my chest, snap open my ribs like a fucking can of Pringles and keep munching away at the tenderized tissue beneath it.
FUCK THIS!
So quoth Strange at 20:17 UTC | 0 BITTER pills | TrackBack
December 29, 2004
Shiny happy couples
Ever notice how the winter seems to be the time for budding new romances? All your friends are having just the perfect first Christmas….
Don't fret. The BITTER is there, right behind, singin' in the rain.
What's that, you say? You don't see the storm clouds?
Oh, you will.
And so will they.
"O Freunde, nicht diese Töne! Sondern laßt uns angenehmere anstimmen und freudenvollere."
So quoth scott at 04:01 UTC | 0 BITTER pills | TrackBack
Happy holidays!
"I hope you are enjoying the holidays…"
Oh, of course. I abandoned my family six months ago. Naturally, I'm guzzling champagne and breakdancing right now.
Perhaps for an encore, after dinner, I'll go find some orphans and shoot out their knees.
So quoth scott at 03:25 UTC | 1 BITTER pill | TrackBack
December 27, 2004
Un-Comfortably Numb
The morphine is wearing off again
This pain seems too constant
I can't remember the last time I felt anything else
Either pain or nothing, can't decide which I'd rather more
I can't find my next dose, its lost deep in this velvet black
Its a wonder I can't find it, I seem so accustom to this place
Got to find the fucking Needle
Got to find the fucking Drug
Got to kill this fucking pain
Got to make me fucking numb...
So quoth Strange at 04:48 UTC | 0 BITTER pills | TrackBack
December 17, 2004
Will the real BITTER please stand up?
Welcome to the New World Order.
Welcome to the sautée of reason.
Welcome to the cocktail party of the destroyed soul.
Welcome back to the BITTER.
So quoth scott at 06:26 UTC | 0 BITTER pills | TrackBack
March 3, 2004
Who are you?!
Who are you to force them to believe
Who are you to crush their deluded minds
Who are you to purge them of sickness
Open their viens
Open their minds
Cleanse their souls
Who are you to make them get over it
Who are you to shut off their night light
Who are you to turn them from their guilded god
Squash their arbitrary rule
Squash their precious scripture
Expose their fallacies
Who are you to turn them "bad"
Who are you to make them sin
Who are you to corrupt them
We are the BITTER
We are the TRUTH
We are the ENLIGHTENED
And if We don't the BITTER will
-Strange
So quoth Strange at 22:07 UTC | 0 BITTER pills | TrackBack
February 26, 2004
reaffirmation
For the next week or so: screw her. I've got my own shit to do. Next Saturday comes, okay, do what you gotta do, but there are no expectations. Something happens, great, otherwise, no sweat. Stop obsessing. Settle into the bitter. It will keep you occupied.
It's time to play distant. Play hard to get. Do your shit. What's on her mind? How is she doing? Who cares. Screw her. Your work and your hobbies are what will sustain you. She is not your concern.
Maybe the internalization of this reality is what's causing this downward spiral. Time to take deep breaths.
So quoth tony at 23:06 UTC | 2 BITTER pills | TrackBack
February 7, 2004
Deestructive
Yelling at me to cover your own incompetence is not going to win you any points in the eyes of the BITTER.
The BITTER loves Microsoft Windows. For reasons both obvious and trite.
So quoth scott at 01:48 UTC | 0 BITTER pills | TrackBack
October 23, 2003
Pitch me!
Every person is a price tag, a meal ticket, an extra five buck
Quantify, Materialize, Freeze-dry
Money, Money, Money!
Fuck that!
Material bullshit, Satisfy with a car, dollar bill; good ol' ben he'll cure all your ills?!
Man in a can, wrapped in foil, sealed in cellophane, infinite shelf life
Pitch me!
Pretty good, Right?!
Is that all you know Goofy Fuck?
Sad old man, sell your religion, pitch your woman, con your life
Five minute friends, of mine, most are dead and green, skin like paper
You've got dogs?! Me too, love um. Oh yeah you're right dogs are good for nothing
Sorry but, you just don't make me enough money for me to keep you around, bye!
Tired soul, life is justified by nickels and dimes, doesn't that razor look nice
Laugh it up fucker, just wait till your too old for the job, then where will Benjamin get you?!
Toe on the trigger.
So much blood and brains.
Guess you weren't green inside after all
-Strange
So quoth Strange at 08:29 UTC | 1 BITTER pill | TrackBack
September 15, 2003
Nightmare ex suburbia
Ever kind of just look around yourself and say "Gosh, I hate my life"?
Every morning you wake only because the nightmares in your sleep are even worse than the nightmare that is your life?
Ever realize that everything around you could burn to the ground and you'd say, "Okay, good deal, time to move on?"
This is when you realize your house is built on a foundation of pure BITTER.
So quoth scott at 15:43 UTC | 4 BITTER pills | TrackBack
September 9, 2003
Little dancer
Hold me closer tiny dancer,
Count the headlights on the highway.
Everything dies alone,
You won't get too lonely,
The BITTER waits on the otherside.
-Strange
So quoth Strange at 07:11 UTC | 1 BITTER pill | TrackBack
Ol' Ben
Tiny little razors raining down,
The ground all stained red,
Blood of innocents runs in the gutters,
Cleanse the streets of filth,
Wipe their hands clean with good
Ol' Ben; In god we trust.
-Strange
So quoth Strange at 07:08 UTC | 0 BITTER pills | TrackBack
Crystal
Place the BITTER in a pot
Boil it down
Cut it with gasoline
Lace it with methanphedamines
Feed it to Wallstreet-White-Collars
Feed it to Beautiful People
Feed it to Status Quo Teens
Watch as their eyes roll and their hearts explode as the full weight of the BITTER crushes their insides
-Strange
So quoth Strange at 07:01 UTC | 0 BITTER pills | TrackBack
King of Kings
Cast him out for he loves you more than all else.
He would not bow to the whim of humanity for he held you in the highest.
Command all to love you best, but then to love others more, Catch 22.
Force him to live amongst those whom you found better for all eternity.
The only true one and this is his reward, nice guys really do finish last.
God is a spitful bitch.
God is an ice queen.
God is the BITTER ex-girlfriend.
Fuck off.
-Strange
So quoth Strange at 06:53 UTC | 1 BITTER pill | TrackBack
Eye of the Hurricane
I am the Center, I am the Hurricane, I am the Rain, Wind, Hail, Thunder, Lightning, Fire.
The BITTER is the ground I stand upon, the Wrath I inflict, the Seed I sow.
Stand before this Storm and you shall be cut down like frail weeds in fallow ground.
Burn.
-Strange
So quoth Strange at 06:18 UTC | 0 BITTER pills | TrackBack
September 4, 2003
A Little Nudge
Give me a reason, I'll give your neck a grin
You want rampage, I'll show you real havoc
Raise the white flag, this thing don't give up
Like power, step between us
Water to wine, cheep trick compared to this
Think that's a heart pounding in your chest, just exit wounds
Bend me to the breaking point, I'll snap your back
Finish me now, it's your last chance
Go ahead, hide in the shadows, you won't be coming back
My gentle malice is as unrelenting as the flow of time
Stop this, go ahead and try.
-molten BITTER flows through my veins-
-lights up my eyes-
-feel my rage-
-Strange
So quoth Strange at 06:28 UTC | 0 BITTER pills | TrackBack
August 21, 2003
rabbits
Fireworks bring out all the rabbits. Be warned, young lovers -- the man behind the camera wields a very heavy tripod.
There is nothing better than a well-placed cloud of pure cancerous spite to ruin the mood.
So quoth tony at 04:28 UTC | 1 BITTER pill | TrackBack
March 31, 2003
Sting
They well up within
Blur the vision
Fall to the skin
Burn stinging trails down to the chin
Why wipe them away, hide them inside
These tears let me know I am still alive
-Strange
So quoth Strange at 07:12 UTC | 0 BITTER pills | TrackBack
February 24, 2003
Evidence of SINISTER
This man beats his wife and children
He controls them through fear and pain
They watch his every motion, terrified of the motions that bring pain
He programs them to dance for his sedistic pleasure
They are no longer the wife and children, but now extensions of him, puppets on strings
Look hard enough and you will see their shriveled form sobbing within
When does he dub it time for the beatings to stop, when they bleed, when they scream
I sit here and watch, illusion now gone, as they move causiously around the sleeping beast within the poor, pitiful, stupid oafish man's form. SINISTER sleeps within the man and SINISTER beats his wife and children. I must sit on my hands and wait, and watch as those I love yeild "clumsy" bruises, after angering Daddy. I bide my time till the day he strikes them in my presence. Within me a beast sleeps too, one of BITTER, one of RAGE. Upon that day my beast will awaken and lay havoc upon the SINISTER fist as it breaks flesh and bone of tiny women much weaker than it. I wish to bleed the SINISTER from your viens.
Even now tears well up in eyes that have not cried since before they can remember. They wish to weep BITTER tears for the BITTER women trapped behind those SINISTER hands. FUCK SINISTER, FUCK your stupid weak soul, to need to beat those smaller and more fragile than you to make yourself feel better, to be thrilled by the blazing fear in their eyes, taking sick sedistic pleasure in their pain, in their horror. You want to get off on someones pain, destroy yourself.
Such a sad child you are to need to control, and even more pitiful to abuse in order to gain your respect. DIE old man, FUCKING DIE!
BITTER weeps for the battered women and children
-Strange
So quoth Strange at 03:28 UTC | 3 BITTER pills | TrackBack
February 19, 2003
love is a many splendored thing
I love depression.
I love the feeling that I want to scream at the top of my lungs until they bleed silver
as I rip the veins open down both arms
and the blood comes venting out
like some cheap anime
i love this shit. i love the purity of self destruction
something so silvered it's black
or so black it's silvered
and *YOU CAN'T TELL WHICH*
—
my brain is bleeding liquid fire
and it's molten silver
with highlights of platinum
and quicksilver
mercury spittle
bile-laden phlegm
the lining of my stomach folding in upon itself
gagging, hacking up blood and bitterness every time my stomach churns
from some other inequity
some other palsy of reality
some other hatred
ENOUGH OF IT!
I AM SICK OF IT!
DEATH WOULD BE TOO EASY FOR IT!
—
To find the action that which will cause those to spurn me…
it will drive both of them to push away that which they love
PROVING that love is NOT ABSOLUTE
that it is FINITE
and that within our skins we are TRULY alone
and black is blacker than night.
and that the only thing seeping from our eyes are not tears
but blood
and thus, never truly counted on.
So quoth scott at 03:53 UTC | 0 BITTER pills | TrackBack
February 4, 2003
i say i say i say
The sweat pours off my brow, down my my back, soaking my shirt.
I hear a song. A song that tells me "And the river flows... I ain't never gonna take you back again."
I can feel her out there.
Somewhere out there, in the darkness, she is out there...
... and she's laughing her ass off.
Damn her treacherous soul.
I should have killed her when I had the chance.
So quoth scott at 01:34 UTC | 3 BITTER pills | TrackBack
January 26, 2003
falling in love
They call it "falling in love" because that's what happens: you fall in love with little or no prior warning, as if it were a tiger pit in the middle of an Indian forest.
They don't call it "easing in to love," or "walking in love," or "jumping in love," or "wading in love," or "running in love" or even "diving in love." All of those verbs imply some force of will, some sense that you intended this to happen and in fact moved toward it. Which is not to say that no one ever intends to be in love. Almost everyone does, and in fact we do say that someone is waiting for love, but the truth is when it comes it catches us by surprise, even if we thought we saw it coming.
Love is more like a black hole, pulling us in with an almost inescapable force somewhat akin to gravity and just as natural. Oh, sure, one can try to resist, and many do: clinging to anything they can as they skid their heels along the ground, ending up bruised and battered but out of love just in the nick of time. Once you've passed through the event horizon, though, there's no turning back. You are doomed to be drawn into and enveloped by love, which slowly wraps itself around you and begins to squeeze much as a boa constrictor does its prey. It overtakes you, it consumes you, it constricts your brain so that you can think of nothing else.
And just before you lose consciousness, you find yourself thinking that you've never felt so absolutely incredible in your entire life.
— Terra Incognita
So quoth scott at 09:42 UTC | 0 BITTER pills | TrackBack
December 23, 2002
the pitter patter of fresh meat
The BITTER loves babies. Such fresh, clean slates, ready for a lifetime of misery and disappointment.
Coo!
The BITTER tickles the chin of every newborn, right before it screams for the first time.
So quoth scott at 01:04 UTC | 2 BITTER pills | TrackBack
December 21, 2002
shout out to the punk
Careful, little boy, or I'll cave in your head with a lead pipe.
You want to twist someone's reality? Go play in someone else's backyard.
You're not ready to play in this league.
So quoth scott at 08:10 UTC | 0 BITTER pills | TrackBack
Christmas preparations
If you want to let your work become your life, that's great. Just don't force your work on the rest of us who want to do more than just work.
(if this is what research is like, if this is what academia is like, then fuck research and fuck academia. or maybe I just haven't found a field that I like. or maybe I've found someone who has that rare ability to suck the enjoyment out of everything. in that case...fuck it.)
If you want to motivate someone to do a task, find a way for them to make it their own. Create a stress-free work environment. A happy worker is a productive worker.
We were productive because we were putting in insane hours at the expense of our schoolwork, our sanity, our lives. And yet you expect us to keep that up? When the holidays are coming? FUCK YOU, CLOWN!
He just fundamentally Doesn't Get It. Beware, for you are summoning forth the BITTER in your underlings.
"I don't understand why you're so worried about him. If I were in your position, I'd tell him, 'Up yours!'" Sage advice.
Up yours and fuck you very much. I'm going on holiday. Yeah, I told you I was going to work on my paper while away. Ha. Hahahahahahahaha. Hahahahaha. Right.
So quoth tony at 04:21 UTC | 0 BITTER pills | TrackBack
November 22, 2002
A diamond is forever
Feel like your spouse doesn't understand you?
Feel like your spouse doesn't care about you?
Feel like your spouse just sits around all day whining about how miserable their life is?
Feel like your spouse is actively attempting to hurt you?
Feel like your spouse is grinding the kids' self-worth into dust?
Feel like your spouse is a raving lunatic?
Welcome to my world. Enjoy your stay.
Deep in the catacombs beneath Antwerp, the BITTER gets a yearly kickback that is purported to be over €10.000.000.
So quoth scott at 20:38 UTC | 0 BITTER pills | TrackBack
November 20, 2002
BITTER chapel
What kind of fool do you take me for?
Yes, that's me, your whipping boy. Order me around, I do whatever you want. Isn't that why you put me in chains? Oh, no, they're more civilized now — just a little band of metal, tucked around one digit. But nobody's fooled about the power implicit in that. Need to go to the store because child X didn't make their cooking list in time? No problem. Get yelled at by child Y because they're implicitly using arithmetic commutation and I'm trying to point it out to them? Sure, whatever. That's my role. To be the villain, to be the heavy, to be the slave, to be the lackey, to do whatever the hell anyone wants.
"Sever flesh from bone; do something for me."
Watch out; at some point, the slaves may revolt, the masses may rise up to do battle. For one day, there shall be a reckoning.
So quoth scott at 23:29 UTC | 0 BITTER pills | TrackBack
September 20, 2002
FATES: Agents of the BITTER
There is a vast conspiracy of time and space. They collaborate to deny you the pleasure of knowing what could have been, only allowing you the pleasure of knowing deep regret.
They take pleasure in knowing the amount of time you will waste entertaining countless possibilities is great, and they relish in having successfully trained another disciple of the BITTER.
So quoth tony at 04:48 UTC | 0 BITTER pills | TrackBack
September 11, 2002
One year of resentment
Do you hear the people sing?
Singing the song of angry men;
It is the music of a people
Who are causing the BITTER to flow brightly through the streets of this nation;
A wellspring starting in New York City
And travelling throughout this wide land.
The BITTER does not condone indiscriminate slaughter. But the BITTER does use it as fuel, full of ire, with which to strike with surgical precision when a true target presents itself.
The BITTER flows free, and is coiling like a snake.
Let freedom ring.
So quoth scott at 15:24 UTC | 1 BITTER pill | TrackBack
September 7, 2002
The BITTER is tactful.
From the New York Times (registration required), in an article reviewing the literary offerings regarding September 11:
"Baudrillard and his ilk make one grateful for Harlan Ellison, the science-fiction novelist, who tells a story in SEPTEMBER 11: West Coast Writers Approach Ground Zero (Hawthorne, paper, $16.95) of being invited to appear on the TV show 'Politically Incorrect' just weeks after the attacks. Ellison accepts, eager to promote his name, but then realizes shortly before the taping that he has nothing to say, and begs off. The producers go ape, but Ellison stands fast. There is such a thing as heroic modesty."
So quoth tony at 22:36 UTC | 1 BITTER pill | TrackBack
September 5, 2002
you can't HANDLE the truth
The nobility of honesty is the goal in expression. To share to each other is to be able to understand and accept others.
Yeah. Okay. Whatever.
People do not WANT truth, they shield their EYES from the truth, they turn a deaf EAR to the truth. Pour all that is you out, and you will see people run screaming. Confront them in a closed environment, and they will try very very hard to pretend that they see nothing, hear nothing, and oh yes isn't it great there is no baseball strike and my that was a horrible tragedy in wisconsin and will United Airlines actually go bankrupt but they will NOT address the STARK NAKED PURE WHOLE TRUTH in front them.
Now you tell me why the truth would not be fringed, laced, wrought with BITTER.
So quoth scott at 22:50 UTC | 0 BITTER pills | TrackBack
August 26, 2002
nothing new, but still it sickens me
The decaying stench of idiocy is so rancid, so putrid around here that I gag, turn my head, force the bile back down.
These arrogant, ill-informed, pretentious pathetic excuses for human beings don't really seem to think they have superiority, but even their adequacy is delusional.
I have worked in educational settings with substandard individuals for years, but never in my life have I worked with ones who treat me as an inferior, one with inaccurate facts and bad ideas.
So go on. Keep adding more shellac to that plastic finish of yours. Keep playing nicey-nice.
And prepare for the wrath. Because the BITTER will slice your mind like the sharpest knife you have ever felt, and the pathetically weak grey matter of your meager existence shall be spilt upon the carpet, one more oddly shaped splatter than never comes out.
You have no idea what reality is. Pray I don't show you.
So quoth scott at 17:22 UTC | 1 BITTER pill | TrackBack
August 24, 2002
June 12, 1997
It was a beautiful night. The temperature was perfect, the sky was clear and starry, and the merest hint of a breeze came from the west. Everyone was outside, frantic not to waste these precious moments before they had to part ways, uncertain of whether they would see one another again. Our hero was no stranger to such feelings. The urgency of the moment took some time to settle in, however.
She could be found under a flagpole sitting on a bench, tears flowing. From someone else the young man found out the reason for her tears. Family problems had been troubling her that night. So he decided to refrain from bringing his own pressing matter up. Behind a mask no one could penetrate, he tried to be as best a friend as he could for her, but it was getting so that it was becoming difficult to contain, to act normal. He smiled through it all, and only one other person, a graduate from last year, knew what he was going through.
"I know what it's like to have your heart ripped out and stomped upon, and she doesn't even know she's doing it," his friend said. She couldn't talk of anything else but herself. Who could blame her? But she had a boyfriend--it started only very recently. And when she found out that he had gotten into trouble--well, she started talking about him. All the while, the poor young man sits next to her, doing his best to contain the emotions he was having.
He had done such a convincing job of hiding it that she had no idea of the hurt she was causing him. Finally, when she decided to go to her boyfriend's room to spend the little time there was before curfew check with him, it became clear that he was running out of time. He went with her as far as the hall commons.
Dejected and resigning himself to fate, he sat sullenly on the armrest of a chair. She came briefly to say goodnight, but she could see by the expression on his face that something was wrong. "Is anything wrong?" she asked. "No," he sighed. "Are you sure?" she continued. "Yes," he said. But his thoughts were different. He desperately wanted to tell her right then, but his restraint prevented him from doing so. This was the time to be selfish! You're running out of time! he thought. Do it. Pull the trigger. Let it out.
But he continued to glare downward, towards the floor, his legs swinging. He couldn't look her directly in the eyes, let alone say anything. Seemingly unsure of what to do, she gave him a quick hug and said, "Well, I'll call, or something." She went away then.
Later that night he was fortunate enough to see her again. It seemed as if he was doomed to brief encounters with her from now on. Wih a quick kiss on his cheek, they swept into an embrace, the young man reluctant to let go.
It was to be a night most remembered and most questioned. He lost a lot of sleep cursing himself for the decisions he'd made. And he still wasn't happy.
So quoth tony at 03:08 UTC | 0 BITTER pills | TrackBack
February 14, 2000
the cigarette burns out
REVELATIONS ARE NEVER WHAT YOU WANT
PAIN ENDURES BEYOND EVEN YOUR UNDERSTANDING OR CAPACITY FOR HATRED
PLEASE DESTROY ME JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE? MY SOUL STILL HAS A FEW THREADS OF LIFE LEFT.
Sex is nature's way of telling you that your time is over and it's your kids' turn now.
It's always the last place you look.
But then, be careful, because it then detonates in your face when you find it.
AND BLACKENED, YE SHALL WALK THE EARTH UNTIL THE END OF DAYS.
So quoth scott at 17:13 UTC | 0 BITTER pills | TrackBack
a man betrayed
Hey, does the other guy make you tea when you're sick?
Hey, does the other guy want to have kids with you?
Hey, does the other guy help you bulletproof your server?
Hey, does the other guy want to leave his wife for you?
Hey, does the other guy want to leave his church for you?
Hey, does the other guy love watching geek soap operas with you?
Hey, does the other guy stand behind everything you do?
Hey, does the other guy give you flowers on a random day, just because?
Hey, does the other guy cook gourmet meals for you?
Hey, does the other guy play music for you?
Hey, does the other guy support you emotionally?
Hey, does the other guy respect you?
Hey, does the other guy know the meaning of the word "compassion"?
Hey, does the other guy love you?
DO YOU UNDERSTAND AT ALL WHAT YOU ARE DOING?
DO YOU CARE AT ALL ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE DOING?
DO YOU FEEL ANY REMORSE ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE DOING?
DO YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING?
DO YOU DEIGN TO VALIDATE WHAT YOU ARE DOING?
DO YOU HAVE ANY BLOODY CLUE WHAT YOU ARE DOING?
DO YOU MEAN TO ACTUALLY DO WHAT YOU ARE DOING?
DO YOU EVEN THINK AT ALL ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE DOING?
DO YOU HAVE ANY FEELINGS AT ALL ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE DOING?
So quoth scott at 16:56 UTC | 1 BITTER pill | TrackBack
the perfect date
"I only date Ivy men."
"I only date bankers."
"I only date men who can wear Armani."
"I only date men who wear Armani."
"I only date men who don't want me."
"I only date men that I can control."
"I only date men who don't think for themselves."
"I only date men who shop for me at Cartier."
"I only date women who I can abuse."
"I only date women who I can objectify."
"I only date women who worship me."
THIS WORLD IS NOT DESIGNED FOR THE LIKES OF YOU
YOU ARE AN ABERRATION AND DO NOT BELONG HERE
YOU HAVE FEELINGS WHICH ARE UNIMPORTANT
YOU HAVE MORALS WHICH ARE OUTDATED
YOU HAVE ETHICS WHICH ARE TRIVIAL
GET BACK IN YOUR LITTLE HOLE AND STAY THERE
WHILE THE REST OF US TAKE THIS WORLD FOR ALL IT'S WORTH
So quoth scott at 16:48 UTC | 1 BITTER pill | TrackBack
Shiny Happy People
I live in a building filled with Beautiful People in Happy Couples.
Every so often one gets to me, and I stare at them. I stare at them
with the baleful glare of hatred. I stare with the white-hot fire
of liquid BITTER.
And they never notice as they coo and cuddle with each other.
One day I will snap, and many beautiful people will scream in
bloodcurdling wails, experiencing real pain for the first time in
their dreary, pathetic, simpleton lives.
So quoth scott at 16:45 UTC | 3 BITTER pills | TrackBack